What me grumpy?

No body told me about this, nobody said a word to me about it. Too busy thinking about themselves to think of an old chap like me, arthritis, dodgy knees and ankles, glasses so scratched I can hardly see, hearing aid not working properly according to my dear lady and why does everyone on the telly mumble? Can’t hear a blooming word, call themselves actors, they couldn’t act their way out of a paper bag. That is if you could find a paper bag and not those thin polythene jobs that all stick together and that you can’t open.
And whats on the box tonight eh? Midwives blooming midwives again, however long are they going to drag that out? If it gets any nearer to modern times in the docklands they will all be driving round in Porches and living in high rise penthouses or studio lofts, drinking coffees that cost a fortune, eating artisan bread and ethnic foods. London has gone to pot now, all those bloody cycle lanes and busses you can’t just jump on like the old days,then you’re lucky if you aren’t knocked over by one of those new electric scooters whizzing all round the place and as for taxis you need to take out a second mortgage to hail one now and then half of the cabbies have forgotten what the knowledge was and they all rely on those satnav things that send lorries down narrow lanes and cause jams if they ever come outside the M25.
And don’t talk to me about jams, they are all conserves or something now I suppose that’s down to EU rules which we were supposed to have binned back along by Brexit. And then on the jar labels it says, if you can possibly read the minute details without a high powered magnifying glass, that once opened they must be kept in the fridge. We never used to bother in the past now the blooming fridge is so full of jams, conserves, pickles and dozens of different BBQ and Piri Piri sauces so now there’s no room for proper food. Of course if you’ve got one of those american fridges like my son’s it’s a different matter so blooming big you could let it out as one of those AirBeandBees or to a few of those boat people the French keep sending over and I can’t think why they go to all that trouble to get here, what with the new weather we have because of this global warming lark. I reckon we should be trying to go to their warmer countries instead of sitting here by the radiator wondering what the next gas bill will be. Still we’ve got a log burner now as well, the only trouble is that wood doesn’t grow on trees and that costs an arm and a leg and now they say they might soon ban those too.

Now someone says it’s National Grey Haired Grumpy Old Men’s Day, load of blooming nonsense nobody told me.